This is Your Brain on Drugs

Crazy Things Guests Say and Do: Part 84 of a 737 part series

Worst guests of the season last night. In fact, they're still in the room right now, sleeping off their hangovers. It will be a pleasure to kick them out in one hour and ten minutes.

At two in the morning I heard people in the hot tub, talking very loudly. Feeling cranky, I went down to kick them out. The first thing the girl said when I said the hot tub closed at 10:00 was, "What if we don't shout?"

Well, if you recognize that you were shouting, maybe you should have tried to be quiet in the first place. Anyway, I said no, you have to get out. They pleaded with me to change my mind, but even if I didn't have a firm policy, I thought they looked stoned and/or drunk.

Even so, they didn't move and it occurred to me that they might be naked and want me to turn away before they got out. It has happened before. I stepped inside, waited about a minute and it was clear that they weren't planning to get out.

So, I went out again, they pleaded again, and I said no in increasingly firm voices. But still, they just weren't moving.

"Get. Out. Now!"

I started to pull the hot tub cover closed with them in it (and naturally, they'd fubared the cover when opening it) and this forced them out. They wandered off, still talking at the tops of their voices.

Problem number two: they'd claimed three people, but there were five in the hot tub. I figured I'd deal with this in the morning.

So, about ten minutes after I climbed into bed we get a call. I figure it is an adjacent room, calling to complain. No, it is the aforementioned bozos, who have locked themselves out of their room. By the time I get downstairs, the guy who'd called is trying to force open the office door in a manner reminiscent of the "my wife has cancer" guy.

I opened the door, handed over the key to the guy, who appeared to be too stoned to notice that he was standing there, wet, in sub-freezing temperatures, and he said, "I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!"

I told him about four times to keep the noise down, but it was clear not much was penetrating the cloud of marijuana smoke lingering about his head. I went to bed, expecting to be awakened at any moment by their annoyed neighbors.

I wasn't, as it turned out, but the people next to them did complain (calmly, reasonably, and sympathetically) this morning as they checked out about twenty minutes ago. They said it sounded like a dorm room party and that these guys didn't quiet down until 5:30. I offered my apologies, cringingly, and said that next time (if there is a next time, eh?) that if they called I would be more than willing to do something about the problem.

The woman said that they were very obviously drunk and she didn't want me to have to confront them. While I appreciate the thoughtfulness, by 5:30 I would have been ready to kick them to the curb, confrontation or no confrontation.

As if I needed any more reason to be up half the night, the little guy woke up a couple of times in the night, once after having an accident. At about 4:00, someone with limited English skills called the inn twice, trying to ask something about getting lift tickets.